A fresh new start?

Today, I woke up feeling stressed and snappy. I had a mild anxiety attack and you can imagine how much I was struggling inside. But God gave me a very assuring word through the calendar my mom gave me. It says:

Our worries originate from a wrong perspective of strength. We tend to muster the strength to do things, whereas the better thing to do is to believe and pray most confidently in Christ's name that God will give us strength. We were created as human beings. So let us take comfort in His word and, trusting His promises , call upon Him confidently for deliverance in times of distress, and He will help.

Am more encouraged now :)

As I was doing my quiet time today, I reflected upon a conversation, or the conversations I’ve been exchanging with my close friends lately. Most of them seem to be in favour of staying in Malaysia than going back to Adelaide.

For some time now, I thought that this has been something really odd. Considering that I still have a fair amount of unfinished business to do in Adelaide, ie. my studies, church ministry, OCF Easter Camp and so on, I never really did look forward to go back.

I’ve been reasoning myself about this in the name of destiny. On one hand, I know I’m called to come home to serve my people and I’m really excited about that, on the other hand, I know this will only happen at least a year from now. So why have I really been so strongly opposed to the idea of returning to Adelaide?

This morning, God brought me back to a chapter I read in “Wild at heart”, where the author mentioned about the fallen nature of men. We, like any other human beings, like to be in control of the situation. The author confessed that when he was presented with an opportunity to pursue his dreams in college, he dared not take the brave step to accept the offer right away. Whilst he was given a second chance to relive his passion, he was also tied down by life. He had a stable income from a steady job, he had a family to attend to, he was the bread winner in the house, and he didn’t have the money to finance his studies. The obvious choice to him seemed to be the latter because he has grown familiar to it and that he has grown to be in control of the situation. Stepping out into college would mean that he would completely lose control of the situation and that there were probably more uncertainties than certain ones.

As I dwell on that point, I thought to myself, I would have chosen the more secure lifestyle too compared to the airy fairy dreamland. After all, IMO, it’s still a dream. But God calls us to pursue our dream really. Of course, later on in the chapter, we find that the author indeed had gone with his heart and God had amazingly provided him and his family throughout those years.

Well, in my case, going back to Adelaide is to partly pursue my dream, more like to complete my studies, and then dream again. However, the good old Adelaide that was once true can’t be applied in my world this year. Many of my close friends have left Adelaide and Australia. The familiar faces that you hang out with are slowly diminishing. Change is even slowly seeping into my own apartment because my housemate is moving out. God has called me to a different ministry this year and it will be a completely new experience to serve in church. And topping all of them, I’m graduating end of this year and that will make me an unemployed.

I know God has been preparing me for this last year but I dreaded for 2010 to arrive in my life. And without a warning, I actually welcomed it into my life with a bunch of good friends. How ironic is that. I guess reality never really sinks in until you are closer to walking into it. I guess the choices are laid out plainly. They are not myths. At this moment, I’m torn in between but to make God fully my Lord and Saviour, I’ll have to trust Him in this. Lord, I guess you got to hold me tight this year because I am honestly really scared of what’s coming.

Somehow I suspect that this holiday isn't as simple as it seems, seriously. From the moment I touched down till this very moment when I'm sitting in front of my laptop journalling about what I think, God has been showing and preparing me to come home. As much as I hate the idea of leaving my comfort zone, Adelaide, and come back to Malaysia in pursuit of something far greater than I have yet to been able to comprehend now.

Its strange how God has been showing me so many things, how He has been affirming me in the small things in life which will ultimately influence my decision on coming home. I remember vaguely right now mid last year, God had put to death many of the clingy things that made up my Christian faith. He humbled me to the point where losing all of those wouldn't matter anymore, as long as it wasn't Him. There, began a journey where God slowly showed me greater possibilities, dreams and wonders that I never imagined I could achieve. He slowly showed me my heart.

Through countless conversations with people around me, God has slowly pieced together a shattered heart and dream, a sense of justice, a heart of compassion and generosity. Although I do not yet dare to proclaim that I have arrived in a conclusion of what possibly may be the next step in life that will redefine myself and what I am about to be, I am beginning to see all of these clearer, by God's grace.

Having read 10 out of 12 chapters of "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge, I must say that He has been slowly dealing with my deeper issues that have helped shaped who I very much am today. Sometimes, I feel that I'm an actor on stage, sometimes I feel like a valiant man, prepared to take out any opposition. Ironically, yet not surprisingly, God has been talking to me about this dream, this passion through this book. I have laid dormant many dreams that had once made me bold and strong, in search for a comfortable life that will potentially kill my heart.

I don't want to be an empty man. I am created for adventure, for danger. I'm not settling in for a mundane lifestyle which builds only me and myself up. This life here on earth is not about gaining the most riches, its about making a difference in where God has placed us.

I don't wana gain the world's riches but lose my heart. Just like the parable that's often quoted, "whoever tries to save his life will lose it but whoever loses it for My sake will save it" Luke 9:24, I don't wana build a kingdom for myself and lose what I'm truly meant to be, I'm gonna build His kingdom.

Him is all that I'm after.

His Kingdom is all that matters to me.

I do not want to be deluded. God please help keep this passion in me for I'm a weak man.

Better days are ahead, people. Don't lose heart :)

Its been a while since I last dropped an entry in this poor blog, who must be so deprived of food and nourishment now :S

*BLINK BLINK* I've been back for a month already! Today marks the one month anniversary since I stepped foot on Tanah Air again. Wow! This has certainly been a really impressive journey.

Honestly, I feared coming home because I kinda knew what I would expect when I get home and true enough, some of my expectations were met, in a good way :) Well, our God is gracious and He knows how we feel about the future and knows our uncertainty. I thank Him greatly for paving a smooth way for me since I came home. This holiday has never been so fulfilling.

Piecing the whole year together now, it almost seem like God has been preparing me step by step to face this moment in life. I remember myself deliberately trying to chart my way through as I took one step at a time, going through all the heartaches and hardships I considered beyond my capability a year ago. And now, I am thankful that God put me through all of those so that even as I'm enjoying my holiday I can enjoy purpose and fulfilment in the midst of rest and reflection.

I realised how much I've missed blogging and how much I've missed testifying His faithfulness in my life. When things are beyond my control, when things go bad because of my carelessness, when things turn sour because of my disobedience, when feelings of loneliness surge and cloud my mind, when things turn for the better because your love is captivating, I know You are there to be my refuge, my tower and my solid rock on whom I don't have to fear anything.

God, how wonderful are you, really. I missed you :D

I love Malaysia for what it is, for what its able to offer on the table. As a Chinese, food is an essential ingredient in formulating my liking for a place, and I love Malaysia for being able to do that.

I haven't had an entry solely about God Himself for quite some time. Some people feel that its the same old story, some people find it boring to talk about Him all the time, even to read about Him, but for me, I get refreshed every time I write about Him.

I think you'll understand how sometimes certain phrases you've seen or heard in the day, or even in the month will stick up in your brain and you just can't seem to shake it off no matter how hard you tried.

Having read one friend's blog entry, entitling "losing sight", it made me ponder upon my own situation. For a while now, I've been questioning myself about this "Have I lost sight?"

While I may have a bigger slant to "yes", I think the answer is still uncertain at the moment. How have I come to this stage? I feel that my perspective has been distracted, by that, I mean very distracted. I've been articulating the situation alil, did my bit of "research" into my rather messed up life (a total unsurprise considering that half my personality is a sanguine). I realised that I've been receiving some pressure from the people around me and most importantly, myself as I decide on the next big step in life.

For those of you who know me well enough now, I hate last minute stuff. Thus, instinctively, my thought life/ decision life also starts really early in the journey. I make plans, I worry about the future, I make 3 to 5 year plans but I'd like to believe that I'm not fixed on it. Apparently, not :(

I know deep inside my heart, many issues still remain unsettled. I often question myself, is it too early to start planning already? After all, God works supernaturally and no matter how much I may try to plan, He can sweep up a great plan for me in just overnight and open doors so supernaturally, I'll be blown off too. I don't know. I believe that I'm just doing my best in this. Is that even a wrong attitude?

Life is full of tough questions, which makes it interesting, but it can get really painful at times too. With so much on my mind, I just need a peace of mind now.

"Where I lose myself, I will find you're all I need". These words really encouraged me. Singing them in Subiaco Church, Perth last weekend really just reminded me once more how much I really need to surrender this to God.

It has only been 2 weeks and 3 days and 8 hours and 30 minutes from the time I finished my last assignment to the time I left for the all so familiar Kuala Lumpur

I...

went to Carrick Hill with Mey

had my first self-service car-wash experience in Australia

went snorkelling for the first time. I stayed in the water for at least half an hour before I finally chickened out of the water. (I don't swim and have water phobia. This is a major breakthrough for me!)

said bye bye to 4 important people in my life... So long, Mich, Mey, Jade and Sarah :(

hung out at the beach with my good ol buddies. The yiros sucked though :(

had a Big Mac meal with Mey on McHappy Day. A day when McDonalds will donate $1 to the Ronald McDonald house with every Big Mac meal purchase

watched Mao's last dancer. Great show btw. Mey was tearing away profusely

found out how attention seeking I really am :D

hung out at Brighton Beach, the California coast of Adelaide, South Australia :p

went to Burnside Village, one of the most posh looking and feeling malls in Adelaide, for the first time
had dessert at this great place called Eggless. Ju Lear was talking the whole night though. Tired.

enjoyed the wonderful Jacarandas, my favourite!

had lunch with the guys from Bible Study :D Awesome catch ups I had indeed <-- I don't understand why the blue line and the fonts in blue :S
had the well famed Big Table brekky before Yat Tuang left for Klang

found this really nice spot in Adelaide that looks nothing like Adelaide!

seeing Dome in Australia for the first time!

They said that you are catching up with age when you receive wedding invitations. I had two in two years. That explains heaps ey? Haha! Congrats, Siew Wai and Kevin :D

Not sure if you've heard this before but there is a saying "God's never late, He's always on time."

Today, I've tested this and it has been proven TRUE.


"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:8


The scenario:

A tired Architecture student, who's just completed his final assignment of the year decides to go to bed at 5, thinking to himself : "hmmm...a short nap won't hurt."

So he sets the alarm clock to 6.15am (so that he can wake up and print his posters at 7am in uni) and off he dashed for beauty sleep.

tick tock tick tock

He was amazingly awakened by you don't wana know what reason. Still tired and annoyed, he looks at his clock.

"10AM??!!!???!!!" (The assignment is due at 10am and it carries 50% of his course results)

"This can't be happening!!"

Off he hurried to get changed and left the apartment.

Here's when it starts getting amazing...

He called for the lift and tadaa...it was sitting there as if it was waiting for him

He got off at the basement car park and took out his resident card only to realise that the roller shutters are opened.

He cycled with all his might, amazingly fast he thought (with a top speed of 30km/h) and reached uni within 5 minutes. Throughout the journey, he could only pray and believe. "God, your word says that you are faithful and you are never late. Your grace is sufficient for me as it always had been..."

He parked his bike near the Architecture building, ran into the office area and apologised that he was late.

"Oh, don't worry about it! There's some printing problem and alot of people haven't handed in yet", says his good buddy, Suki.

"Yeah, that's fine. Just hand it in once you've got it printed out.", replies the receptionist.

Off again, He threw himself into the computer room to get his stuff printed.

He waited for a while, encountered some minor hiccups, calmed down a fair bit, started initiating conversations with his fellow coursemates, couldn't get his mind off his messy hair and bad breath and tried to get his posters printed.

Whole time, he thought to himself "God's grace is sufficient for me, His love never fails, He is faithful, He's seen me through tough times, He can do this again for me..."

Couldn't wait any longer, he went to the other computer room in seek of an alternative.

"This printer is spoilt. You can't print A3s here." Says Muhammad, his other fellow comrade.

"Ahhh!! This can't be happening"

Still full of faith in Him, he decided to try the plotter (printer for oversized papers) again.

He went to the plotter room and to his delight, his file was awaiting printing. He "shouted" for joy in his heart, thanking God all the time!

His heart just leaped with happiness and he started "singing" songs of praises.

It was close to an hour since the due time was up. He prayed hard.

Finally, he got his posters out and he handed them in, without being marked as LATE submission!

PRAISE THE LORD! HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!


God is indeed an awesome God. Sometimes He puts us in ,situations like this to test our faith. It would have been an awfully bad experience if I didn't know God is on my side because I won't understand that above all the normalities of life, there is a creator God who's in control of time. All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed and God will do His wonders.

The Bible says: "...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20.

Its true, my mountain of uncertainty, of doubt has been moved and I stand victorious today because my God listens to prayers and is faithful :D

Even when the cymbals clash and the guitars strum, when voices sing and the whole auditorium lift up their hands, God speaks. A gentle but really loud voice spoke in the midst of this great atmosphere, saying over and over again "Let go!"

What did it mean?

Let go of your pride...

Let go of your achievements...

Let go of your giftings...

Let go of your worries...

Let go of your insecurities...

Let go of your contentment of knowing Me enough...

How often do we say things without really meaning what it ought to mean, we understand the depth of the conversation, the weight in which it carries, but fail to do what it says. That's me.

Today's message was timely, its time to clear off the rocks that's preventing my roots from growing deeper.

Just let go, don't be afraid. I just want you :)

You know how sometimes when life gets really mundane and stressful, a good samaritan, sent by God, will always be around the corner.


Thanks, Kye Ling. It was delicious :)

1309 days ago, I stepped into my first career choice and my childhood dream, passionate, hopeful and expectant of what was ahead of me.

1187 days ago, I got my first 2 distinctions in my uni life. I was overjoyed.

822 days ago, I got only credits for both my subjects which I've worked ever so hard for. I attributed this to many reasons, including bad time management, split priorities and so on.

304 days ago, I got credits again. This time I took a hard hit from my lecturer and I was doubting about my suitability in my course. I still attributed that to my constant invovlement in extra curricular activities and I never stopped believing God that He will provide for me even though I may not have done as well as I expected myself to.

214 days ago, I enrolled into my masters program and I was still having that doubt in me. Still, I thought to myself that I've come this far and I shouldn't give up. I have spent most of my holidays equipping myself with ideas

92 days ago, when the semester ended, I had not been able to apply much of what I had studied. My doubt grew stronger, unfortunately. I broke down even more frequently, questioning the reasons of why I am here. Life was not merciful to me with the lost of two loved ones. But still, I chose to believe that the God I've been serving faithfully has a great plan for me and He will lay my path straight all the days of my life.

70 days ago, I was refreshed by a very fulfilling holiday, spent purposefully. I was looking forward to the reopening of uni as it signified a new beginning in my life again. The old chapter was gone and now a new one was about to begin.

22 days ago, I regained passion. It was a significant milestone in my emotional life as I have been bogged down by this unease in my heart for a really long time. I attributed that to the many big changes that were happening in my life at that moment. It was a fast transition period for me and time never really left me with much time to think twice about my actions.

3 days ago, I got my results back for the previous week long studio. I got a credit. I questioned about myself again. I reasoned hard in my head but I wasn't satisfied with what I've achieved.

6 hours ago, I was still reasoning hard in my head. I reflected back even further and God reminded me back then, even though I wasn't doing that great in my course, I still made a conscious effort to praise Him and give thanks to Him for what He has blessed me with. I held on to Him when I was the weakest and although I may not have been the student I thought I would be, I had peace in my heart. Although I complained, I did not hold onto the unforgiveness I had on myself for long because I strongly believed that everything was indeed in God's hands. "My future is secure in His hands", I thought to myself and it gave me great joy to serve and love Him.

1 hour ago, I was strongly convicted. Lord, I ask for your forgiveness. I've set my eyes on temporary things. Please help me to see what you see again. Although I may seem not to have progressed in my grades at all, I know you have provided through times of difficulty. I should not look to myself and I should not even boast at what I am blessed with. I am deeply sorry and I pray that you will help me to open my eyes to see the great things you see.

1 second ago, I've understood His love once more and I've decided to lift this to Him. You demand my best, not distinctions. If I do get them, its a plus. But if not, you are still my Saviour and you are worthy of all praises.

Thank you, Jesus. You are my Lord :)

When was the last time the word "missions" popped up in your head? I'm not talking about preachers or even friends around us mentioning about this very sacred word, I'm not talking about us initiating a conversation with God about this.

tick tock... tick tock...

Can't think of when?

Thus is the condition of today's Christians, including myself.

What did God say about missions in His word? Matthew 28:18-20 says:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

He said "therefore", not "maybe". If that's the case, we are commanded to go, not given the choice to. How much of His heart do you understand? Do you see what He sees?

He sees the many street children in India, without homes, without the necessary necessities that we take for granted.

He sees the many people who were swallowed by waves, who lost their family members to earthquakes and the many who were orphaned because of unfortunate events.

He sees the broken hearted, the lonely, the people who have lost their directions in life, the people who have taken a gamble on their lives but have not achieved their dreams.

He sees those who are chasing their dreams in the corporate ladder, who are chasing materialism, who are embracing the relative moral values of the world that has been watered down continuously over the years, who are fighting an unnecessary battle to prove themselves in a world that will make them obsolete overnight.

He sees the crushed but are silent about their situation.

He sees those who are in debt

He sees the unforgiven

He sees YOU.

His heart is to have a relationship with YOU.

If you really knew how good this life could be with Him, you wouldn't reject the offer...

Not only will you have someone to lift you up in times of trials

Not only will you have someone who knows you so deep inside that you don't have to say a thing to prove that you are worthy to be loved because He already does

Not only will you enjoy a life free from superstitions and spiritual and emotional slavery

Not only will you enjoy the peace and assurance that you'll never understand when you are in great distress

Not only will you live a purposeful life, knowing that you are sowing into eternity

But you will also have a personal relationship with the creator God of all the universe...

The above are just some of the things you'll experience when you know God personally... How much more of His love will you experience when you have tasted it for yourself...

If this is your true revelation of who God is in your heart and are convicted to the core, then GO!



Live a life worth living for today...

A strong conviction came today while I was in the church leader's meeting today.

we often ask how we can help lead a good ministry or what do we see about a ministry...

well, the equation is as simple as this :)